Our next appointment is Monday, May 19th. I can't remember what time, but it's in the morning (10:30ish, I think). Please pray for us as we wait for this opportunity to look in on our babies again.
I liked today's quote on our Google page:
I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.
- Garrison Keillor
The reality is that out of about 8 conceived sets of twins, only 1 will enter the world as twins...the others as singletons. We're only 9 weeks along, and 12 weeks is a better guage for the health of twins.
The TRUTH, however, is that we serve an awesome and amazing God who is allowing me to push through and grab onto His miracles. FATHER! I WANT CONFIDENCE WITHOUT PROOF! I WANT FAITH WITHOUT SEEING! We've lost a baby before very early in a pregnancy, which leads my heart to be reluctant to grab onto certainty, that YES, we are having TWINS! Yet, sometimes, just when I feel like my faith in the Father is at an all time high, I feel like I leave room for all this doubt of what he's capable of!
On Tuesday (the day after we found out about the twins and that one needs a boost), I was feeling so burdened. Do we stay here in Lima, do we head home, will the littlest one make it, will it not? Life still continued, and, distracted as I was,I still had to teach my 10th grade English class - Praise God! We were examining the title of a book we just finished, but I couldn't remember where in the book of Psalm it was from. So as the students worked on a writing assignment, I tried to save my hide and find it...well, I didn't find it, but I immediately and "randomly" came across Psalm 139:13-16 and it's as if I heard my little children's voices:
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully
and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
I still grapple with worry, concern, and even doubt, but the prevailing feeling is one of PLANNING FOR TWO CHILDREN!
- Gillian -
1 comment:
Gillian and Justin, I am just coming across your blog quite by accident (??) and wanted to comment on your beautiful post.
I wish I could have such vision.
The reality as you guys call it, our circumstances- the here and now- they are powerfully distracting. But God alone knows the beginning and the end, so why don't we listen to everything that He says? I am suffering too though not the same as you. And want to stop being sad with my circumstances. God is still God.
I know that He will work it all for the good for the both of you, and the truth is that He will do it for me,too. You guys, in your pain, are helping me have vision- in my pain. Even your pain cannot help but bring glory to God!! Praise the Lord!! Thank you for your strong faith and Thank you for your blog.
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