Waiting and Waiting....hurry up and WAIT.

That's how I, Gillian, feel like the last several years have been for us. We waited (and worked) for 2 years to raise our support, we waited for 2 months in a rental house in South Carolina after we sold our house, then we waited for a month at my dad's house in Minnesota for our visas to come through, once we got here to Peru, we waited 2 months to get into our apartment. We WAITED almost 5 years to try to have more children, and when we do, they're TWINS and one of them is in trouble. So now we must wait weeks between ultrasounds to check on them. June 10 is the next one, by the way.

Years ago I learned some valuable lessons about waiting. During one of my mom's many stints in the hospital during my teen years she received a test her roommate was supposed to get (whoops!). But that test revealed a spot on her lung. My mom, a smoker of 20 years, was naturally alarmed, as were the rest of us. The doctors told us to wait for 3 months to see if the spot grew or shrunk. That was the longest season of WAITING my family ever had to endure. In the end it turned out to be a rare fungus (funny place to grow mushrooms), and NOT the feared cancer. Our season of waiting for that diagnosis inspired the senior pastor of our family's church to write a series of sermons on the purpose of waiting. He would end each sermon with "...and to hear the rest of the message, you will have to WAIT until next Sunday." UGH, how annoying. We were already waiting.

So every time I go through a season of waiting I now remember back to that time. I didn't know it then, but it helped to equip me for future waiting. Our time of waiting to come to the mission field forced Justin and I to come out of leading Hispanic Ministry at our church - a ministry that started when we were just 21 years old and lasted for 4.5 years. It was as if we'd been hiding from our church congregation for those years! For the next few years we were busy pursuing the mission field, so we had the opportunity to take assistant roles under other church members. During that time we were also receiving training for the mission field on things like the mentality that perpetuates poverty and Biblical Worldview. All of these things brought us to new levels of faith and learning. During that time we were also able to deliver a glimpse of what we had learned to churches interested in sending us to the mission field. What a gift! Many times Justin heard that his message was applicable at their church, and it left us burdened for our home churches...but we were already on the conveyor belt to the mission field. We would have to WAIT to share the full message until we returned one day.

Back in December we told our Country Director that the only reason we would go home early is if we got pregnant with twins or had a complicated pregnancy. We didn't even know that we wanted more kids yet! By March the Lord had laid an overwhelming desire to have more children in our hearts, a desire He blessed. Now we face twins AND complications. Now, even though we told our Country Director those were the circumstances underwhich we would leave, we STILL have sought God's guidance on the matter. Are we REALLY called to go home? Over the month of intense prayer for the health of our babies as well as our decision to stay or go, we GRAPPLED with the idea that God was sending us home. We started off with WHY, God?!? But as we remembered in Job, where God lays Job out saying, basically, "I was there when the universe was made, not you, so you answer to me." (okay, that was a major paraphrase, but you get the idea). We changed our prayers quickly to, "Okay, so what do you want us to do that will bring you the most glory?" His answer still seems to be moving home.

It's what we do with our waiting time that's important. We do not regret one second of our pursuit of the mission field. The time was well spent and catapulted us into a season of learning that we may have never had otherwise. It carried us so far in our faith, our ability to surrender to the Father, our capacity for ministry,and so much more. We have also seen successes in our time here in Peru. Time has not been wasted.

Sometimes there is NOTHING to do while you wait, as with our twins, but go on living and praying. This can drive a person crazy, especially as we wait to look in on our little ones again. In my heart I feel that our littlest twin is okay and still alive and growing, but I am still looking forward to June 10 when I can see with my eyes what my heart already knows...my babies are hanging in there. But I find that while I have a ton to do to get ready to head back to the States, my heart just wants to stay focused on my little ones and sit around waiting for the next ultrasound. I'm doing my best to continue living in the here and now, to face what today has, and let tomorrow take care of itself. That's what waiting is all about sometimes.

Not that anyone reads these whole ramblings. I'm just happy to purge my thoughts. Blessings to any who have suffered the paragraphs. I pray it was worth waiting for the end :)

In Christ,
Gillian