Praising God Through the Storm

It's been a long time since our last entry. Life is slowly coming into a new normal as a family of SIX!!! Lately, however, I've had worries on my mind and I've been feeling sorry for myself. The twins had RSV and the flu this past month, as well as other health issues, the economy has everyone nervous, and I've been pretty tied to the house since I went on bed rest last August. And Justin and I have the very personal journey to discern how God would have us serve Him.

I told my friend Heidi today that I have to fight my pitty parties some days. If I pause for any length of time I reflect on the things that could pull me under. I feel like I'm in the scripture where Jesus calms the storm and my troubles are the waves that threaten the disciple's boat (Mark 4:35-41). I'm being pushed, shoved, and tested. In that scripture the disciples run to Jesus, who, by the way, is sleeping through a SQUALL. He wakes up, commands the storm to stop, and then says to his students, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" They've already seen Jesus heal people, drive out demons, and more WITH THEIR OWN EYES, and yet they STILL get scared. So, at least I feel normal. Afterall, the disciples witnessed Christ directly, and they were still quick to worry.

God healed my first two sons of reflux and asthma. He healed our smallest twin while still in my womb and I have the pictures to prove it...yet, now that the babies have had RSV and the flu, I find myself waking in the middle of the night to check if they're still breathing (I KNOW I'm not the only mom who does this). I often say that "we'll worry when there's something to worry about." Meaning, save the concern for when something has actually happened. But I slip on that sometimes, even though I have witnessed God's provision and miracles over and over.

Justin was saying the other night that we need to remember how far we've come so we can remember how great our salvation is. AMEN! Then at church on Sunday we had an awesome time of praise and worship, and the Pastor opened his message with Hebrews 2, "We must pay more careful attention, therefore, to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away...." As we face an uncertain economy, sick babies, wondering how God would have us serve Him, and I have little time for just myself, I need to remember what He's already done so I can shake off my worries and self-pitty and trust what he's doing! What's the worst case scenario? Even if the bottom drops out and we lose Justin's job, or the unthinkable - lose a child (which is SO NOT going to happen) - we will ultimately (and excrucitatingly) be okay - CHANGED, but okay. God is still in control and knows what He's doing. I need to keep my mind on what's important: Roof over head. Check. Kids and husband still breathing. Check. Air in your own lungs. Check. Okay. For this moment you are still okay! Praise the Lord! Now get over yourself and do some laundry!

Another friend sent an old faithful scripture on facebook (gotta' love facebook). Hebrews 12:2 "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." I kept reading: "Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood." OH SO TRUE!...see? The worst and hardest has NOT happened. And verse 7 says, "Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?" AH!! Now, some may read "disciplined" and think of "punishment"...but I look at that and think of "disciplined" as meaning "shaped" or "molded." For instance, if our older boys forget to put their clothes in the hamper, we discipline them by making them go back and clean up before doing something else. And we do this over and over until they (hopefully one day) learn to do it without asking.

So, we (as God's kids) get tested over and over again...for different reasons. Sometimes WE'RE to learn the lesson, and sometimes we are a lesson for others. But none of it is to HARM us, but rather to GROW us. And I think, if I expect my boys to eventually remember to put their clothes in the hamper right away, then in a broader sense, God expects my response right away based on lessons I've already learned. The boys will never stop changing clothes (haha, hopefully :), just as the waves of life's challenges will crash into my boat again and again. We can only hope to get faster at REMEMBERING how great God is and APPLYING what we have learned. For me, right now, I need to remember how great He is and to quit worrying and feeling sorry for myself when there is truly nothing worth fretting over. TRUST HIM. The baby stage is fleeting, and one day I will rejoin the land of the living. I've done this twice before, you'd think I'd learn. As far as employment - right now we're secure. Prepare for the worst and pray for the best. Babies' health? We're figuring it out with the pediatrician. Maybe a milk allergy? Where will God have us serve? Yet to be determined and has no bearing on our immediate state of being.

THANK YOU GOD! Kick me out of my pitty party! Yup, we're all good. Now, if my sleep deprived brain will remember this in the morning, we'll be in great shape :). Praise the Lord Anyway!